Websites, SEO and Digital Marketing
on time and on budget

my #GiveMeMoney was taken over by a kickstarter

flaming text from CoolText isn’t working like it did in 2001.

I thought a GUI was what came out after squishing a buggy.

because I think auto play website music is still a good idea.

my website has been “Coming soon” since Bush was in office.

the colors I chose don’t cause screen bleed but more screen screams.

my server told me I needed support so I tied a rope to it.

I thought CMS was a cable channel.

when asked for my logo RGB I said “I don’t have any.”

I thought WordPress was how they printed newspapers.

“find me on the wind” isn’t acceptable anymore. It used to be cool

I thought imbedding a twitter feed meant putting fresh newspaper in my bird’s cage.

“trust me” isn’t cutting it when my clients want to see the product.

my DVD presentation was called “retro”

when I was told I needed a solid back end I started to do squats.

leaving my number on public restroom walls is attracting the wrong type of clients.

404 Error isn’t a problem with my fax machine.

I thought a site map was what Google Maps used.

I tried a TV Ad…..to target Netflix users.

my GIFS look like Jiff….peanut butter.

I still think Comic Sans is a fun font choice.

there are so many pop ups on my current site I can’t find the actual page.

when showing product images to a client on my phone he swiped to many times and saw my nude beach selfie.

I thought cell padding was what scientist did to DNA.

my client database is still a rolodex

even hipsters don’t like my smoke signal call to action

I can’t remember my geocities login.

just putting fields to enter your credit card details doesn’t constitute a website to some people.

someone wanted me on Periscope and I don’t own a submarine.

I can’t find the drop shadow in MS Paint

my Flash site called me “out dated”

someone asked me about Drupal and I checked to see if my fly was open.

I didn’t know there was HTML2 through 4.

my pop up boxes just say “No.”

I sent a link in an email to a file I had on my desktop…and it didn’t work.

I thought HTML was an abbreviation for Hamilton Airport

my hyperlinks are the same color as my body text and I can’t even find them.

I thought PHP was something you got with a prescription.

“contact me” link in my PDF goes to “mailto: insert email here”